Rooted Wednesdays Vol. 33 a fine line between dreaming and waiting

What's on my heart

I feel like I’m constantly preparing.

Preparing for longer hair. Preparing for more money. Preparing for the day. Preparing for tomorrow. Preparing for the version of my life where I have more time, more freedom, and more room to breathe.

Preparing feels a lot like waiting.

I used to think I just needed to learn how to wait well. Wait patiently. Wait quietly. Be a good waiter. Trust that what I’m working toward will eventually arrive.

But now, I’m wondering: am I waiting for something that will actually end the waiting, or am I setting myself up to find the next thing?

Will achieving the things on my goal list genuinely feel like freedom, or will my brain immediately locate another problem to solve? Is my ambition purposefully carrying me somewhere, or is it sometimes my mind scanning for what’s missing and convincing me that satisfaction is only one more accomplishment away?

“Are we masochists or optimists if we continue to walk that fine line?” —Carrie Bradshaw

She was talking about relationships, but as a woman seeking freedom, I know there’s a fine line between ambition and self-abandonment. Between preparing for the life I want and postponing the life I already have. Between believing more is possible and deciding that what exists now cannot be enough.

I don’t want to stop dreaming (and neither should you). I love that I can envision more for myself. I love that I’m willing to work for it. But I also don’t want every dream to become another condition I place on my joy.

I’m practicing making space for all of the above. I can prepare for tomorrow without treating right now like it’s incomplete.